The Tough Decisions

The Hacienda, Playa Del Carmen, Mexico; March 2025

May 18: Many times in our life, we must make a difficult decision. We are conflicted and angst over which direction to go. I’m in one of those times. Just had Kadcyla chemo treatment #7 of #14. Studies show less reoccurrence and better outcomes with this regimen, when there is tumor left at time of surgery that the big gun’s chemotherapy didn’t fully eradicate. While the side effects are not nearly as awful, they are still difficult and concerning. Worsening neuropathy in feet and hands, occasional blurry vision, watery and sensitive eyes, GI issues, fatigue, and worsening liver and kidney labs. I worry that some of these symptoms could be long lasting or even permanent, because sometimes they are.  

I was close to discontinuing (sounds better than quitting, because I am not a quitter) before treatment two days ago after seeing the kidney function lab results. Being a case manager for patients on dialysis, the thought of having to do dialysis terrifies me. I have talked to many patients that started chemo and then went into kidney failure. Then I ask myself why I have fear if I also have faith. Is it possible to have both at the same time? Yes! I do have faith that I will be okay even if I do not finish all fourteen recommended treatments. Afterall, I had divine intervention that caught the breast cancer early (blog #1). But I also trust the science and the research behind the treatment. Therein lies the conflict. I have sat a lot in prayer, meditation, and intuition with this decision. If the side effects and lab values worsen before next treatment, I will most likely discontinue.

I am ready to be done with the chemotherapy and get my life and body back to normal. Larry and I went to Mexico in March. Everything about the trip was wonderful! The experiences, the weather, the food, the Hacienda, the ocean, the people, the monkeys, and not thinking about my current situation. It was the badly needed respite we both needed. Life felt normal.

Monkey (and other animals) Sanctuary

What about you? Are you in a place that requires a tough decision? I would suggest this: Seek counsel from those who have been through the same. Take the time to “listen” for the answer. It may come from God, the Holy Spirit, Jesus, angels, guides or loved ones. The answer may come from your intuition. Don’t dismiss that gut feeling. My intuition has always served me well, and every time I have not listened to it, I have regretted it. It may also come through a dream or other signs. The answer will come. Then trust it and stand confidently and firmly in it!